Imaginary Numbers

We had something planned for this week, I swear. It involved cashews. And a dead relative coming back to haunt someone. And then… then… Hell broke loose. Literally. Turns out an intern had chained up Hell in our basement, right next to the sink everyone’s afraid to touch because, by all accounts, it’s never been cleaned. But they, these same people who were afraid to clean the sink, were just as happy to dump in the contents of their spittoons, excess water buckets we give to each and every employee here at Sane Magazine, and contents of their commemorative snow globes, when the snow globes inevitably spring a slow, inexorable leak, avoiding having their desk littered with soggy paperwork due to some unfortunate manufacturer defect that has since, I’ve been told, been fixed.

Anyway. Some chain of events involving the surreptitious input into this sink, the lack of cleaning, and Hell having access to a blowtorch we had been storing near the sink, well, the chain of events led to Hell breaking loose. And stealing two cans of white gloss paint. I hope Hell realizes, unlike I did, that you can’t wash out gloss paint with water.

disclaimer

Kids, here’s the real urgent deal. Get over to RedRoom.com. Now. Don’t even wait to hear what I have to say, here. Just know that your very life may depend on it. You shouldn’t even really be reading anything else, here. I just need you to get, as fast as possible, over there. You see, I’m about to finish…

See? You didn’t really need the rest of that sentence, did you? No, so get over there. It’s the RedRoom.com page for the founder of your dear, beloved Sane Magazine. And he needs your help. And, in this case, it’s not a case of beer, it’s not a spare tire, or money. It’s just a click. Or two. Or three. Find out more about Fenway Fiction . Or Further Fenway Fiction . Watch videos. Read a short story.

Go take a look at what Salman Rushdie has to say, or Khaled Hosseini… or Po Bronson. It’s a good place for you to connect with authors. And in doing so, and visiting our lovely founder and head editor you’ll be boosting his RedRoom.com author ranking… which we all know is the end goal in this life, anyway.

Don’t make us beg. You’ll all be invited to the after-party, should we win.

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Your weekly horoscopes.

General — mhanlon.

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