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This week, the Societé for Better Houseplants (previously notable for having an extremist position with regards to nuclear waste treatment, abortion issues, and proper houseplant watering techniques) announced the building of "a very, very large lever," soon to be followed by an initial enquiry after a place to stand, and, failing the discovery of a suitable location, the building of one.
Though representatives of the group have been remarkably close-mouthed, especially after having made the initial pronouncement with their mouths open (after which their mouths promptly shut, possibly because they hadn't realised they were saying that out loud, or because they realised after they said it it really didn't make much sense, or figured no one would be terribly interested in what they were talking about, or were just being difficult), there is rampant speculation about the location of their location, from which they're apparently intending to utilise the lever they're looking for.
In accordance with most major physical laws and schools of thought, the location presumably would have to be somewhere off the currently inhabited world, and quite stable. This is assuming, of course, that they intend, with both lever and the presumably stable place, to move the Earth, attending what has long been a major irritant to certain important members of the Societé, the most ardently supported concern of which has been that the Earth most certainly could be getting quite a good deal more light if it were only a little more to the left. There are divisions within the Societé as to whether or not it might be a little more to the right where they may get more light, though for press conferences they generally agree on the one or the other, and rarely have fights broken out during the course of a press conference.
Speculation has it, again, that Chelsea, or perhaps someplace on East 70th Street and Lexington Avenue in New York City, will be the final location, though those speculators are usually given a map, on which both Chelsea and the Upper East Side appear, and consequently rules them out of being reasonably objective places from which one could move the Earth comfortably, without having one's drink spilled over when the Earth gave a sudden lurch.
Other, more likely spots being potentially looked at by the Societé include a little spot just a few miles outside the Earth's atmosphere, someplace just behind the Moon, and another one just off Mars, "for the ergonomics and general pleasant demeanour of Martian shelving" as an unconfirmed source was quoted.
disclaimer:
No hamsters are slated for injury in the making of either the lever or place, though one's been frequenting the construction site with entirely too much wild abandon, and will probably either have a brick thrown at it to keep it away from the power tools or be drop-kicked during the workers' afternoon rugby match.
However, despite this lack of progress, a small child was taunted relentlessly by the workers for "having a funny-looking haircut."
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Yer Weekly Horoscopes. get on with yer.