This week, a certain Taurus will offer to buy lunch, in the nicest possible of ways, for a certain Leo. The end result of which (sparing a whole lot of messy details that would only interest veterinarians and Scorpios, and we all know nothing happens to Scorpios during the week, not worth noting in a horoscope sheet, anyway) is a rather messy do. Why?
I'll tell you why. (which slightly less spares you the details, which is probably a big problem for some cultures)
First off, blithely thinking social protocol could be ignored, the Taurus approached where the Leo was prone to sitting occasionally and was planning to ask them outright to lunch, only to find them engaged in a rather heated discussion about upholstery with a Gemini, whose main passion in Life was horseshoes and general horseshoeing practises, but was willing to diverge into upholstery-related conversations when not shopping. A Virgo, having been recently teased about not knowing calico from gingham, will be sulking against the wall, and probably inadvertantly trip the Gemini, though when both parties are standing still it's more considered kicking than tripping. So the Virgo could be considered kicking the Geminian, who was still going on ad nauseum about upholstery while being kicked by an increasingly self-satisfied Virgoian, as it's quite rewarding to kick potential celebrities.
Off in the corner, about to head off to the restaurant, were a Cancerian and a Capricorn, who, funnily enough, only talked to one another because of an incredibly long train ride, during the early course of which they discovered what sign the other was, and marvelled at the remarkable similarities between the spelling of Cancer and Capricorn. The Cancerian began to mention something about the Tropic of each of their signs, as well, but figured that was a topic for a second or third date, following the mention of which the Capricorn squawked that they ad been thinking "just the same thing!" and the two are probably left off to their own, away from most sane people.
The Taurus was waylaid slightly by a deranged Pisces, moaning on about there only being four elements. They proceeded to have a rather brief but detailed conversation about the differences between Aristotle's conception of the Universe and one of the guys from Friend's conception of it, and the Pisces left, vindicated, especially since the Taurus had suggested they just go and buy a new carpet, if the wine stains were really that terribly difficult to get out. A random passing Libra, as they are wont to do, will give their own advice, and start sticking their nose where it doesn't belong, and will get tackled by a random passing Aries, as they are so wont to do, also. For this reason alone it's best to 1) not talk to Libras and Aries, and 2) institute a governmental policy preventing Libras and Aries from occupying the same general space as other people. Since it's mostly Sagittarii in governmental positions, or at least who read the paper, they should pay close attention. Especially because there happened to be nary a Sagittarius within spitting distance, should one be so inclined to use spit as a way of measuring how far people are from you. So hear this, and dictate as you see fit and clear off those crazies.
The Taurus to this point thwarted in their attempt to ask the Leo due to the intervention of the various mad people, finally wandered off to practise their lawn bowling skills.
The Aquarii, to this point silent, will wave politely from the corner, where they'd been snogging famous movie stars the whole time this was going on, and generally otherwise unconcerned with events as they'd been proceeding. Except for the bit about spitting, which only raised their interest because they thought someone was talking about them.

[Horoscopes. HEY! Narrative form! Again! Aggh!]