The Butcher, the Baker, and the Candlestick Maker
[A boat. In the middle of a moderately busy suburban mall.]
Butcher: How then? Where are we now?
Baker: Are you English? What's with the 'how then?'
Butcher [shrugging]: I don't know. Sounded proper, for a butcher. Like.
Baker: Oh. I see. Well, I don't know where we are.
Candlestick Maker: Why would you know where we are? You're not the one bloody well steering!
Baker: What? You, too? Why are you both speaking like you're English?
Candlestick Maker: Well, I'm navigating, so I figured...
Butcher: Oy! I'm navigating!
[The Baker rests his head in his hands]
Candlestick Maker: You've got a bucket on your head, how can you be navigating?
Butcher [removing the bucket]: Oh. Right. Hey, where are we? It looks like a mall.
Baker: It does, doesn't it? 'oo drove us 'ere, then?
Candlestick Maker: All right, all right, look, not you, too. So we're in the mall. Right. We're also, you may have noted, in a bathtub. A large bathtub, but a bathtub, nonetheless.
Butcher [taking a look over the side of the tub]: Pennies!
Baker: How about that? We're rich! Oh, wait. Jimmy Fund. Listen, Butcher, no go. Those are for the Jimmy Fund.
Butcher: But that little kid took one!
Baker: Well, he looks about three. So I figure that's fair. You're... considerably older than three. So you should know better.
Candlestick Maker: Yeah.
Baker [rounding on the Candlestick Maker]: So how did we get here? In a fountain, in the middle of the mall, in our bathtub?
Candlestick Maker: Ah. Well, funny story.
...
[The Butcher scoops his hand into the water. Not deep enough to touch any coins, but deep enough to get his whole hand wet. He looks surreptitiously at The Baker and Candlestick Maker. As neither are looking, he scoops his hand down again. Again, not too deep, but a little deeper than the previous time.]
The Baker: Ehm. And how was that a funny story? I didn't hear anything. What're you doing?
The Butcher: Nothing.
The Baker: What's that in your hand?
The Butcher: Nothing.
The Baker: Oh come on, it's something, isn't it? What is it?
The Candlestick Maker: Yeah, what is it?
The Baker: You, I still expect the story. You, what is it?
[The Butcher puts his hands up to his mouth. And then he quickly pulls them down, coughing and spluttering. A few pennies fall into the bottom of the tub.]
The Candlestick Maker: Were you eating pennies?
The Baker: Hey! Nothing from you! [rounding on the Butcher] Were you eating pennies?
The Butcher [shrugging]: I was bored.
The Baker: Oh. Okay. Now, you, what was the funny story?
The Candlestick Maker: What? Oh, that. Well, I had this buddy, had this truck, and offered to give us a lift. Just didn't say where. So here we are. In the mall. Anyone want a coffee?
Summary
disclaimer:
We're not here! Hear the silence!
Not so quiet when we're shouting, I'll admit.
Anyway, see you next week. Virtually. Like a virtual, jet-lagged ghost. That's us. To a 'T.'
Discuss this in the forums
Discuss the horoscopes in the forums
Forum hosting provided by forumthing.