In a surprising marketing move, milk has decided to pry just a little more into people's personal lives with their latest American campaign.
Got luggage?
In the latest series, both an online campaign, taking advantage of the mythical World Wide Web, and an offline campaign, taking advantage of slow modems, the dairy farmers of the aforementioned Americas have taken to the streets, pushing more questions on the unsuspecting public. The first of such questions was, to a Joe Smith, of Farmington, Georgia, no relation to John Smith, noted English prospector, who also, notedly, did not marry Pocahontas, though Joe Smith did believe, until now, that he had married the young Pocahontas, "Got Luggage?" and a fine set of a sort of waterproof-like material covered suitcases were offered, before he even gave an answer. It was a sort of waterproof-like material in that it didn't actually protect the contents from water, either outside or in, but looked convincing enough without having water anywhere near the suitcase that one might be tempted to try and pour a bit out of a glass or spray a bit of mist on the bags with a handy water sprayer, though one would be terribly sorry if one were to do that, because you would then be left with soggy bags, and, while not necessarily repelling the water in any sort of handy fashion, the material did a tremendous job of keeping the water about, all the while keeping up the appearance of being completely dry, an appearance which you would soon discover to be only that if you were determined to find some measure of dry-i-saucity about the luggage and place your hand or other nearby body part upon the luggage formerly lightly sprinkled with water, feeling, with the aforementioned body part, a surface not wholly unlike a cactus. Luckily, for you, the bit resembling a cactus is the luggage's ability to hold water, and not, as it were, to be all covered with sharp little pointy growths.
The dairy farmers apologised for the bags, pointed out that they were free, what did he expect, and hurriedly made their exit.
Other questions have begun being asked, perhaps questions that were not meant to be asked, questions that you'd have liked to ask, but were afraid, and afraid for a very good reason, the reason being the answer really wasn't all that informative or interesting, and that your chances with the person you were asking about were, indeed, akin to something not very likely to happen's chances of happening.
They push the advertising and consumer research possibly just a bit too far, as somebody surely agrees.
Irish audiences, thankfully, still have that woman running down the beach in a rather skimpy bathing suit, and aren't troubled by terribly boorish questions and enquiries other than "Wouldn't like a glass of milk? Look, shure, isn't she nice, running down that beach, oh yeah, she drinks milk, she would think you're extremely sexy, wouldn't she, if you were drinking milk? I think so, oh look, th film's starting, ah well, maybe we'll run the advert after the movie as well, just to leave you off with something nice," and that question being silently implied, rather than being whispered by some man seductively, which, in our audience polled, "didn't cut it for them."
disclaimer:
The luggage offered by the dairy farmers, while not being waterproof, though appearing as if it may be, either some day or in some conditions, also happens to be quite flammable, even while still wet from the previous experiment, which is quite a resilient kind of flammable, to be sure, and Joe Smith, of Farmindale, Georgia either perished in the successive blaze, or took off with our wallets, we couldn't tell which, for the smoke.
Finding also our car missing, we passed the time by playing cards, until we came to te conclusion that neither of us knew any games, or knew of them, but didn't know the rules, or if they were true card games, and we settled in to passing the time by tossing cards on the still blazing luggage.
The entire royal family of Spades, a couple of the lesser numbers of the red suits, and all the Jokers were lost.
Eventually the suitcases were put out when a passing truck caught the corner of the fiery luggage and sent it spattering out into the corn fields along the side of the road, which caught fire, themselves, until the flames reached a nearby farmhouse, equipped with, fortunately, a water tower, and, unfortunately, a formerly nice set of petrol pumps.
At last count, Georgia and several smaller states had caught fire, spreading in the direction of the killer bees, who were coming up from Mexico, until they heard about the blaze, and decided to head elsewhere. No news on Florida, yet, though we hear it's warm there already and you can't leave bread out on the counter or it'll get mouldy.
Yer Weekly Horoscopes. err. they're ehm... good.