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The Great Squeezeable
New socks are possibly the greatest thing this world has to offer.
With new socks on your feet you feel like you can conquer the world.
Providing the world is conquerable by yourself sliding around on the kitchen floor in your stocking feet, occasionally spilling the cup of tea you've ferried across from the counter on which the tea kettle rests and the other counter, on the other side of the lino, the lino you've been sliding across.
Or can be conquered by wiggling your toes in your shoes, knowing full well your toes aren't destined to hit the inside of the leather (or synthetic whatever it is, for those of you who prefer not to cloth your feet in former cows or those of you who wear sandals or those of you who just like poly-fibre syntho-rayo-ban style trainers because they're all the rage with the kids these days. If you've chosen to wear socks with sandals, however, well, we realise you probably don't have a whole lot to say for yourself, and probably have been harangued on this count before, but what the hell were/are you thinking? That sort of behaviour might be all right if you live in Florida or something, but we don't tolerate that lot here, really, it's just reprehensible, even if they are new socks and you just couldn't bear not to wear them and just had to, for some reason, put your sandals on... it's just... speechless, really.) because you've just rolled the glorious new socks on over your feet, and haven't had time to wear holes in the things, probably unevenly, as well, maybe because you walk funny, or tend to favour one foot, or one set of toes, or one toe, over the rest. So one sock has the holes whilst the other remains holeless. And they feel so firm and lively and just like the socks of yore your father may or may not have told you about, when men were men and socks form-fitting, occasionally bolstered by leather straps, to keep them from falling down, and when all the women wore avocado in their hair. And life is very good indeed, with your new socks sitting firmly on your feet, feeling like all the world for two little tubes of cotton or something tightly knit around your feet.
This isn't from the perspective of a duck, even one with ears, which you might find a bit odd (the duck with ears being odd, not that this isn't from the perspective of a duck being odd), it isn't from the perspective of a doughnut, not from the perspective of an obscure 13th century French philosopher. It 's from the perspective of a guy with a pair of new socks.
I have new socks.
disclaimer:
We have been doing this lot for seventy-eight years now or so.
What a long strange plum it's been.
Thank you.
See you next weekend in Bruges.
ps. I would like to point out that there are other great things in the world, and it is only a possibility that new socks are the greatest thing in the world. That is a non-authoritative, half-formed opinion. It is not gospel truth, nor is it even necessarily valid if you choose to query the author about the status of socks, new ones, in his overall world's top things hierarchy at some later point in time later than when he wrote the preceding.
This isn't necessarily a cop-out, but more an acknowledgement that people read this sort of thing in which other people claim "such and such is the greatest thing" and either one of a couple things happens. The person, the reader, we'll call them, knowing the author, if only in some passing way ('knowing' meaning being acquainted with personally, not 'knowing of' or 'having read rubbish by that particular author previously', though not acquainted or knowing, necessarily, in the Bilical sense), gets offended, as they either never suspected the author of such allegiances in passing conversation (or some sort of conversation, anyway) or, and this is the most unfortunate case, believe themselves slighted in some way by not being considered the greatest thing in the world themselves, passed over for something else like, in this case and point, new socks.
In other cases, one (one not knowing the author, preferably, to avoid bloodshed in the violent disagreement-type of situations) may take umbrage at the chosen greatest thing in the world, and, in doing so may waste much time, bile, money, and energy on the author of a piece claiming something one might consider a rather inferior choice for greatest thing in the world. Which is all very dear. Sort of. Ish. (This is an excellent example of the use of 'ish' as a standalone word/thing, by the bye.
No doubt there are other ways to take the preceding championing of new socks as a very good thing (tm). No doubt.
Rest assured, whichever, if any, camp you fall into, we have no idea what we're talking about.
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Yer Weekly Horoscopes. !!