what the hell he does: "I am a brilliant stock broker for the firm of Peters and Jillian, making lots and lots of stories up to tell our investors when they ask how their stock is doing. Then, I'm actually the one that gets to leak to the press some gob about the market crashing, and the investors losing all their money, while we suddenly leave for 'personal reasons' to this sunny island in the Mediterranean we all pitched in together and bought with the money we scammed. Err... oh, wait, I don't know if I was supposed to say that..."
rendezvous in milan: "I once had a house in Milan. Or, ok, it was just some picture I found in a magazine. But it was a nice picture, thick paper it was printed on. And I once owned sheep, too, in that same picture, and some little boy that I had taken to calling Antonio, as he never answered me when I asked him his name. He tends the sheep for me."
what exes would say, were you to ask them about him: "He's a brilliant lover, likes cheese on his eggs, powder, and you shouldn't feed him Mexican food, or you'll regret it."
his current companion: "Well, I've been with this woman for quite a while, but I'm getting a bit tired with her, so I'm ready to move on when the right woman comes along. Oh, wait, you were referring to pets, weren't you? I have a dog."
leisure time: "I like to fish. I also like running around with my arms out, preferably in a field, but sometimes in a market, if the urge strikes, no, grips me. I pretend I'm an airplane, you see. My arms are like the wings. Of a plane. Other than that I'm usually pretty uptight."
totalitarian governments? "I like them, but I don't know if I could run one all that well, it takes up a lot of time, from what I understand."
last thought before your head hits the pillow: "Boy, there are so many patterns in this ceiling. I sleep with the light on."
odd or socially unacceptable customs or rituals: "Well, for a while I was doing a sort of public mutilation of fleas, a kind of violent flea circus, but I haven't performed in quite a while after the Animal Protection League got on me."
back to that totalitarian thing: "Well, come to think of it, down on the island, I did get to act as supreme dictator for a bit, which was nice, but all it got me, really, was the ability to sexually harass all the women I worked with without major repercutions, a few bananas [imported from France], a bottle of a pleasant Merlot, and a massage. I could think of better perks of being a supreme dictator, let me tell you."
for your information: "I don't like women that go on about being blonde and dumb all the time. I'd rather someone that's nice and quiet, blonde, fairly daft, and willing to take off my shoes and place warm and damp washclothes on my feet at the end of the day. It helps if she knows how to sew."
contacting our lovely bachelor: You'd want to write to our bachelor guy, enclosing a cheque, your picture, and a description of any posters you happen to have in your house. And then we'll organise for the two of you to get together and have some sort of thing together (depending which box you check on the form).
Yer Weekly Horoscopes. a cute little handfull of lovin'.