|
Taurus April 20 - May 20 | |||||||||||||||||||||
|
Tauri need to be treated to wining and dining and lots and lots of non-traceable internet stocks this year. A good night out would probably involve wine, food, and the buying out of some sort of small internet company, which you then sell for a weekend in the Bahamas.
| |||||||||||||||||||||
Leo July 23 - August 22|
If ever a person were more ready for Valentine's day, it was a Leo. | So be sure the lights are just right, the rope sturdy, and the guy you've hired to play "bad cop" just mean enough to keep your special Leo under the investigation lamp for hours!
Virgo August 23 - September 22 |
For this Valentine's Day, take your favourite Virgo squeeze no where but the comfort of your own home, and, when, in the middle of all your meticulous preparations, mood lighting, crackling fireplace, properly chilled bottle of champagne, and copy of Sleepless in Seattle (or Songs from the Portugese, whichever) they call you cheap for not taking them out, break out the ham sandwiches.
|
Gemini May 21 - June 20 |
Tickle Gemini's fancy by being just that! | No, not ticklish, but fancy! If you can do some sort of trick where you rub your head while rubbing your stomach, or rub their head while washing the carpet, you'll be guaranteed to win the heart of a Gemini.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19 |
For a Capricorn, Valentine's Day is just like every other day... so it's up to you to make it not like every other day! | What we've found works best is grease fires, grease fires, while they might seem to be a highly occuring phenomenon, do not happen to occur all that often in the lives of Capricorn.
Cancer June 21 - July 22 |
Muffins were the way to Cancer's heart last year, so they are again this year, and isn't the combination of chocolate and muffin just fantastic!? It's like someone read our mind and said, "Hey, let's combine two really great foods into one, so people won't be troubled so much by decision between the two!" | Muffins and chocolate, the way to a person's heart.
Pisces February 19 - March 20 |
For Pisces, nothing suits them better than marmalade. | However, on Valentine's Day, you might want to give a go at just giving them a lot of money, telling them not to take it the wrong way, and asking them if they'd like to come home with you. Directness is good.
Aries March 21 - April 19 |
Aries can be a confusing lot, but, once they get snorkeling, they are the easiest (and loveliest) creatures on the planet. That said, try to get your fave Aries snorkeling... even if they insist they can't swin, they'll look absolutely stunning bobbing along underwater.
|
Libra September 23 - October 22 |
A good, big, heavy book will more than likely daze a Libra, and they won't really have much control over what they say or agree to for the next few hours, so, while we don't quite encourage that, we're leaving it on the table as it is, and letting you decide which course of action to assume.
|
Scorpio October 23 - November 21 |
Scorpio, oh wherefore art thou, Scorpio? Well, I'll tell you, if you're interested. While not possessing a horoscope, perse, this sign is reknowned for it's feistiness and raucous good humour. So the best approach to woo-ing (or keeping) a Scorpio is to light something afire (preferably their heart, and in a strictly metaphorical sense), and keep that flame a-burning. Maybe sing a song.
|
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 |
The greatest treat you can give a Sadge, as they're called by good friends, is to rub them all over with some form of sythesised non-stick cooking spray. Oh sure, you may want to warn them of the hazards of rubbing that stuff on skin and the horrible dryness that can result, but they won't care, and you'd do better to just keep on rubbin', bubba.
|
Aquarius January 20 - February 18 |
Aquarii really honestly need to be coddled. Lots and lots. Not punched, or kicked. But coddled. And they prefer you not be covered in hair, or fur, which you may associate with being coddled (yes, the whole stuffed bear thing), but clean-shaven, attractive, have been on the cover of a magazine at least twice, have a lovely accent, and love their stories, their long, convoluted, nonsensical stories.
| |
