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	Have you always thought you were a planet, yet had people laugh at you when you got around to telling them that you are? Well, the q.i. government is the first government on this planet to offer you the opportunity to declare yourself a planet! [tax exemptions, oddities, penalties, and zoning laws notwithstanding] Application for Planethood [not to be confused with the application for parenthood] Name of Applicant for Planethood: Current planet of Residence: (if not sure, write "Other"): Witness (if none, write Greta Garbo): Email: Movie Censor Rating: Short Handwriting sample: if you haven't a pen handy, please use a pencil or crayon. In the past thirty days, you have:   Not showered.   Circled what you Earthlings call "The Sun." Or the English speaking lot of you, anyway.   Bathed naked with supermodels.   Begun fostering the most minute signs of life. Reasons why you should be a planet:   I don't abhor a vacuum.   My friends all tell me I'd make a good planet.   I photograph well.   Err... wha? At large social gatherings and events:   Guests, their drinks, silverware, and other objects are sucked in by my gravitational pull.   I drink myself under the table, where I generally remain for a few days until someone finds me while mopping up.   I am not to be found, preferring instead to watch 'Friends'.   My chat-up lines don't ever sound the way they did when I was reciting them in the mirror earlier in the evening. Past planetary experience:   I played Jupiter on the television show 'Baywatch.'   I read the sanemagazine issue in which the Earth was demolished by the Moon or the other one where it was demolished by a shooting star.   People are always asking me if I think the world revolves around me.   I went to Planet School where we made things from plastic blocks and developed climates and trade winds. Your current mass is:   Very dense.   Are you saying I look fat?   One billion tonnes or so.   It's all water weight. Would you be willing to post advertising banners on your planet?   Yes.   No.   A few well-designed ones, yes.   An advertising salesman once held my family hostage, so, no. Bank Account number: [if not comfortable giving yours give a friend's]   Are you wearing a tie?   Yes.   No. Have you ever been accused of being gorgeous?   Yes.   No.   Yes, and I'll be right over.   I like plants. If approved you may or may not receive notification, and if after thirty days you have not responded, you will begin your new status as a planet, regardless of your wishes or jocular intentions in filling out this form. No refund or guarantee of "space babes" of either gender, or even some faintly compatible other gender we haven't considered herewithal. Also, we don't want to hear anybody whinging about how long it takes pizza or chinese take away to get delivered. Any and all intergalactic space mining regulations infringed upon by yourself in your new status of "Planet" are not the problem of the q.i. government or any of the employees of q.i. productions and it's holdings.

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