Turtles are not Indigenous to Mars
The three truest words ever spoken to me, not in this order, were: "Don't eat out too often."
Actually, those were the words, spoken in that order. It was the last thing I heard before the giant turtle entered my life.
I never knew when to call a turtle a turtle and when to call it a tortoise. Somewhere along the line, recognizing this deficiency in myself, I set a mark, arbitrarily, that, should a turtle ever get to more than one hundred pounds, I would henceforth call it a tortoise.
So shortly after hearing those words: "Don't eat out too often," from a former college professor of mine, no less, I encountered a turtle easily more than one hundred pounds, and my hearing just blew straight out... I imagined it might have looked a bit like a cartoon with smoke coming out of my ears. Later, of course. At the time, it hurt like heck.
Must have been that pact I'd made with the devil with certain riders about always honoring arbitrary rules I was setting up for myself that kicked in to effect.
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