A Very (It Turns Out) Sentimental Journey To and Through and Around Yosemite National Park
Day Zero. The Planning.
The first thing you notice about Yosemite National Park is there are a hell of a lot of bears. Millions.
Actually, that's not true. The first thing you notice about Yosemite is that a lot of people will tell you about the bears there. And the websites.
The websites will tell you about the bears, that is. People won't tell you about the websites. hey may, but it won't be in the same tone as they warn you about the bears. The 'literature' may be what we meant, if you still believe in paper-based information. Or aural based info, for that matter. This is all before you even begin packing for the trip up to Yosemite.
"Bears," they will tell you, like 'bears' is a complete sentence, "Yosemite is crawling with them. And they're clever, too. Damn clever. If you keep food in the car, or even leave the scent of food in your car they're bound to rip it clean open in search of the food. Bears are a lot more clever than we give them credit for – the will learn what they can get into and what is worth eating. Once, I saw this picture of a car that was destroyed by bears, looking for food! You should buy a bear-proof container."
This is one of the comforting consistencies of Californians. Without fail, for any situation, there is a product that you can buy that is specially tailored for whatever it is you might be doing or venturing into. Bicycling shoes. Full body armour for cycling. Socks for tennis. Personal heart monitors for exercise classes. Indicators for your car... wait, no. But we'll get to that one in a bit. Wetsuits for white water rafting, different wetsuits for surfing, still others for fishing. Bear-proof containers in case a bear happens to want the same food you have.
After hours agonising, I decided to risk getting to Yosemite without a bear-proof container. My peaches, plums, carrots, and mixed nuts would sit in plastic bags in the back seat of the car.
I packed the essentials. Was water considered food? This was slightly flavoured water - lime and cherry sparkling water from Calistoga, so I may have been walking a fine line. If I were a bear could I smell it through the plastic bottle? At the last minute, I packed a very American-sounding non-American girl I found alongside the road, which are always useful on trips, if not particularly so on trips to the wilderness. I was ready for the park.
And, of course, because this was California, the really long drive before I got there.
That was just about as much planning as a wilderness week required. We were off.
Day One. The Departure.
From the place known to many as the "Bay Area" it takes about 4 hours to drive from this area to Yosemite National Park. Sometimes longer, sometimes less.
The thing a lot of people mention is that, to drive from the "Bay Area" to Yosemite, you encounter lots and lots of Californian drivers.
Now, the thing about Californian drivers is that they are absolutely 100% certifiably crazy. This is coming from someone who has driven in and around Boston before. Californians? Worse. Sort of.
Somewhere along the second hour, which is most probably spent still sitting just one eighth of the way to your final destination, you start to learn. It is all one big game. Like a chess match of the gods, only without the gods, and without the benefit of anyone telling you what the moves are going to be shortly before they are performed, and the chess pieces range from Hummers to Ford Pintos. And the speeds range from glacial to 100+ miles per hour at any given moment. Bear-proof would probably have only weighed me down, anyway.
To be continued...
disclaimer:
This week we take a turn for the travelogue. This particular example is a fine supplement to our Egyptian travelogue (starting at issue 205 and stretching throughout this archives page), and may be taken in equal doses.
If you should feel dizzy you might want to stop spinning around and around. Maybe your iMac's extendable arm is broken or something, too. That's as much troubleshooting as we're going to do.
Enjoy the issue, and see you next week.