sanemagazine



You Ate My Watch




There is a certain country, a very small one, very green, very lovely, dew-sprinkled and flowerbud crisp.
Sure, the people were a bit strange, but that probably had something to do with the water. Or the fact that it was, indeed, very small. The island, not the water. Not small enough to warrant moving off because you didn't have any elbow room or personal space to speak of, but between the mildly space-lacking bits of space and the decision, somewhere along the line, to build their buildings out of nothing but glass, all these factors combined to produce an environment that seemed incredibly small for being so beautiful.
The decision on the glass had been made quite some time ago, when the elders in the community looked down at the lush, small, crisp, green island, down towards the water, and saw that their beaches were made entirely of glass.
And this wasn't them being clever, knowing that you grind sand up and refine it and do all sorts of other things to it and you can use it as a window or mirror in the end. Of course, it helps if you have either a book about glass-making or have someone who knows quite a good deal about glass-making (and not someone who says, "Oh yes, I know a good deal about glass-making," and then proceeds to tell you the procedures in a very official-sounding manner, only when you hand him (or her) a bucket of sand and a blowtorch they balk at actually going ahead and doing it), because otherwise you're just going to end up with a load of hot sand melting all over your carpet.
No, the beaches on this small, lush, green island were actually quite elegant sheets of glass. So the elders didn't have to go out and find anyone who knew a good deal about glass-making, just someone who knew a good deal about carrying things, which is a much easier skill to acquire, the prerequisites being that you have a few arms or a back or strong teeth, at the very least. So the elders decreed that it would probably be a good idea to build all the buildings on the island and things for tourists to buy from the island's greatest natural resource, which, no, was not the kids, but the tremendous amount of glass to be found on the shores.
And that grass makes terribly house walls, as the elders found out after repeated attempts to build a shower stall out of grass and dirt and wound up with a soggy pile of grass and mud that a family cow came through and ate, much to the horror of the person attempting to take the shower in their new stall.
That decree ended what had been known as the Grass Age and began what was to be known as the Glass Age on that small, beautiful, lush, crisp island.

Unfortunately glass does not do wonders for separating people (unless you're in gaol, and your relatives and friends are talking to you on the other side of a glass wall, and I think it might actually be bulletproof plastic, at any rate, but you get the general intention/point), and the people of the island soon began to realise the wholly new (and non-cow fodder) problem the new building material presented when the self same person was showering and again had an encounter with the cow, albeit a more voyeuristic experience than previously. And, the town being small, the rest of the population also having the voyeurism experience (who at least last time hadn't tried eating her shower the last time she attempted to take one).
So the people, seeing each other every waking hour and and eating dinner alongside someone else clipping their toenails on the other side of the wall and skipping showers for the most part grew increasingly disgruntled and strange and slightly malodourous. Tourism started to suffer slightly because, though the island was beautiful, small, had glass beaches, people, lushness and crispness, those beaches, now being mined for buildings and other bits of stuff to sell to tourists, were getting quite sharp.
The local builders weren't quite a careful as they should have been with the glass-cutting, figuring they had near inexhaustible supplies (which they did), and you couldn't actually make a trip to the beach without cutting your leg or some other major appendage off. Which made the beach slightly less fun had it been covered with much softer pre-glass sand that wouldn't take any limbs off if you dove into it. And you definitely could forget about bringing inflatables of any kind along in the hopes that you'd be using it in the water, as inflatables' effectiveness and the degree of fun they give one is almost directly proportional to the amount of air they have in them, and there is a decided lack of the aforementioned air in inflatables when they have big rips in them due to shards of glass having ripped through them.

At any rate, the people were strange, the island was nice, and it was a shame when someone poked a hole in the volcano in the middle that had been dormant for many many years and the whole island deflated into the sea.
Thus began the Underwater Age.

disclaimer:
Ask me about my grandkids.

We have new accessories in, as you may have guessed, the accessories section!
Go wallpaper the hell out of your computer! And all the computers of any friends' houses you might visit! And your workplace computers! Show your love for stupid sayings and Sane Magazine by digitally putting them absolutely everywhere!

Also, in this pleasant litle hodge podge of reasonably short, pithy things this week:
Sexual Trivia (as borrowed from a board game seen in a shoppe in Fulham on New King's Road): Did you know?
If you poke a man in the eye (either one, for some men), he'll emit a loud shout or screech?

Fun fact: On the Internet, turtles a are slightly more popular animal to reference in a surreal kind of manner than chickens, who are far and above the most poular in real life, with penguins in a far second. Penguins find themselves quite low on the Internet due to rabid Linux geeks who'll chew your head off sideways if you so much as look cross-ways at a penguin. Oh dear.

Sane Magazine Fun Fact: We use Linux, and you probably don't care. We don't, really.


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