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Once there was a bean. A lima bean.
(NB. I've always liked lima beans, their rather solid consistency made them ideal for throwing.)
It was a lima bean that involved itself in various bean-like activities over the course of it's life, to the point it had reached thus far.
It read a lot, kept informed of the most recent developments in personal technology, exercised once in a while (though it was always saying how it needed to exercise more, and, truth be told, it probably should have exercised more), and was a member of several distinguished associations.

One such association was the League of Beans Against Improper and Wanton Use of the Word 'Bean' as a Substitute for 'Brain'. They were not, as some were, a league dedicated to violence, they just objected.
Their fierce rivals, the League of Beans for Promotion of the Use of the Word 'Bean' as a Substitute for 'Brain', (his association's name had been picked as a direction opposition to this other society, however, his association had been around for a longer period of time than their rivals, only they'd previously focused on much broader issues and the main reason for convening the group, in those days, had been to sit down around a few nice bottles of wine and discuss politics and films, and had only recently decided to devote their attention to the synonymity growing betwixt 'bean' and 'brain') would every once in a while antagonise his own league's sensibilities by rallying outside some important political convention or entertainment awards ceremony, to the point of meetings being held regarding their policies on pacifism, and how strongly they really held on to the belief that it was better not to tend towards violence. In those meetings a consensus was generally held that their commitment to non-violence should hold, sometimes with the lima bean voting in favour of violence, sometimes in favour of the policy of non-violence, depending on what the rival league had seen fit to do.
Oftentimes they would resolve to greet their rival's rallies with smug indifference, especially when the rallies had any sort of angle on the acceptance of those people who'd simply misspelled or mistyped 'bean' for 'brain' (or vice versa), which the lima bean's league thought was frankly desperate.

It was a happy, full life for a lima bean. It was a happy, full life for most people, too, had they been green and bean-shaped.
So it came as a shock to all when the lima bean was arrested for being a assassin for the King of Italy. Especially considering the lima bean didn't display any outward skills at killing anyone or thing, and didn't ever seem particularly loyal to any one country.

disclaimer:
This story was originally intended for something else.
One in a series of a new children's bedtime book we're working on.
We're still working on a publisher, though.