Taurus April 20 - May 20
Wombats do dig it, suffice it to say.
Whack a mole this week for luck.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Neo-Platonist chickens do not know what they're talking about, and that does not seem like a reasonable suggestion. This knowledge will come in handy this week.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
The slightly endangered blue herring will play a large role in your week.
It may be endangered mostly due to it's more promiscuous cousin the red herring, or simply because it never got the concept of wearing a bicycle helmet, this may prove worthy of exploration.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
Speaking of exploration, Cordoba, it turns out, was looking for the Lost City of Free Long Distance. Ah, if only he had lived a few years more...
If you're a celebrity, watusi.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Jobs and money go hand-in-hand. Which makes it difficult to get a word in edge-wise.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
Your sign this week has the thrilling job of washing the dishes after dinner.
And remember to scrub the plates before putting them in the dishwasher, last time there was a crusty layer of something all over all of the dinnerware.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Napolean had a notoriously rough time conquering Scotland. Take a lesson from that occasion (or seres of non-occasions, as te case may be), and invest in sheep and cold weather. And rain. And Sean Connery.
Aries March 21 - April 19
Support your local MP for the first half of this week, then don't for the second half. That'll keep them all on their toes.
Libra September 23 - October 22
Made with real lemons, for maximum yellowness.
You will have a Brady Bunch kind of week.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
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Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
If your monitor suddenly implodes and begins sucking the contents of the room you happen to be in into itself, it's not our fault. Though that javascript thing, onLoad=suckMonitorIn(), sounds like an interesting function.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Lead and things you can do with it, including completely fail to turn it into anything remotely resembling gold, will keep you busy for quite a long time this week. Oh boy oh boy lucky you!
[Horoscopes. funkadelic.]
