Taurus April 20 - May 20
Wear green this week.
Honk if you're wearing green!
Leo July 23 - August 22
Jiggle a bit on the early side of the morning and three pence by breakfast, we always say. No one ever gets that one.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
Hello, said the chicken-keeper to the bee-surgeon.
These are the kinds of conversations passing daily in people's lives that have no real bearing whatsoever on a Virgo's Life. Unless you happen to either be involved in helping hurt bees or hurting them.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
Daylight is an excellent cure for the common cold. It is notoriously bad, however, at keeping pets.
If you're a celebrity, fedoras are in this winter. Advance notice.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Neverminding orange juice, sage is both advice and a plant. Which is pretty comforting, I always find.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
The blue monkey dreams of Gargantuan Hummingbirds.
Drop the package in locker 13.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Smile if you know it!
If you don't know it, write to George Bush, eighteenth President of the United States, and ask him, he started it.
Aries March 21 - April 19
Funny how these suck this week, huh?
Libra September 23 - October 22
Grocer's will generally be in a bad temper if you try moshing with their tomatoes, apparently it exposes them to a bad element.
Or so they claim, anyway.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
Slurp, slurp.
Wizzlefizzit means absolutely nothing. As a word. As a concept it's quite nice. Which doesn't concern you, as you have no horoscope.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Ack, it's another Manic Monday. So saith the Bangles.
At least you have sanemagazine to comfort and guide you.
Or at least provide doughnuts.
Oh, wait, we've forgotten those, too... well, it's always a good day to start drinking.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
*sigh*.
Still one big glob of stuff on your desk. Nice.
A shovel and beer is good for shingles.
[Horoscopes. tired, so so so so so tired.]
