The Horoscopes
Taurus April 20 - May 20
Get up with extra verve on Friday of this week.
You'll need it, because your apartment has become something of a physical curiosity, much like the Mystery Spot in Santa Cruz.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Someone will be missing you for the first portion of the week.
And not in a getting shot at kind of way.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
Winds of change are blowing.
Which is handy for you, because you could really use a new dryer, so while you're out picking out a new one, toss the old one and hang the clothes out to dry on the line.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
Be true to yourself this week when the cards are down.
Also, slap that kid in front of you in the line at the grocery.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Hit the weights this week.
No one can beef up your own body but you.
Unless you know some scientists or are in a town that has a major league baseball team...
Cancer June 21 - July 22
Someone will be missing you for the first portion of the week.
Lots.
Someone will have an answer for you on Thursday. It will be "Orange." Which, unfortunately, doesn't answer the question.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Get back to when it was all very simple and easy.
If you need to cut out certain things you've started doing, so be it.
Just, umm, expect complaints.
Aries March 21 - April 19
Pirates attack your house!
It's not so much their knives, swarthy looks, or cannons going off at all hours that frighten you so much as it is the parrots. Who knew you had such a fear of parrots?
Libra September 23 - October 22
Good people don't make decisions, they just do whatever it is they feel like based on the information at hand.
Which sounds suspiciously like a decision, but using the preceding aphorism will be a superb foundation for a new 1) development methodology, 2) weight loss program, or 3) management methodology. Any of which you can merchandise. No need to thank us.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
No. Not this week, either. Wait for it, wait for it...
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Get outside this week, it will do wonders for your general outlook.
Also, rats and some really large worms have infested your bedroom. So I'd stay out of their for a while.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
As the song says, or, rather, the singers singing it say, err, sing, "You're back, back in the saddle again."
So either you've gone and attempted to fulfill your dream of becoming a rodeo competitor, or you've taken a job with a company you used to work for.
[Horoscopes. What a very, very cool demo (and yes, I know it's a year old or so).]