The Horoscopes
Taurus April 20 - May 20
All work and no play makes you dull.
So play, darn it.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Don't blink on Thursday. Go on, try it.
You'll win a magic bean if you can do it.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
Be patient with small, furry animals this week.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
Don't spit into the wind on Wednesday.
Especially if you're walking with me.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Don't buy the hype about day-glo (tm) pants being the next big thing.
Stick with your old faithful corduroys.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
Whatever happens is going to happen.
And whatever happens, someone in a green sweater (well, at the time of this star reading), loves you.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Your mission this week is to not blow the little dwarf's cover, as he's been hiding, undercover, in your closet for the last week, and it would be mean to ruin a week's worth of hard work.
Aries March 21 - April 19
That stain on your shirt on Tuesday is rutabaga.
Go figure.
Libra September 23 - October 22
Spill some milk, just to keep on top of things.
Which is a metaphor, I think.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
Nothing this week, I'm afraid.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Just because he asks questions doesn't mean he's not into you?
It's the fact that he's a robot simulation of a man and you're not that means he's not into you.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Only forward, as they say in the movies.
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