The Horoscopes
Congrats to all your Lowell Marathon runners!
Taurus April 20 - May 20
Someone will be tiptoeing around the tulips around you.
You have two options: Clobber them or join them.
If you are in Holland, beware of stepping on any tulips if your balance is less than ordinary, they have laws that punishes squashing tulips heavily.
Leo July 23 - August 22
The word (or words, if they're two) "aboo" will mean something to you this week.
Spend some time making this a special week in some way or another. If you can, use a bulldozer in some way or another as a means of accomplishing this goal.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
The old adage "look both ways before crossing the street" will especially apply this week for you.
I don't want to hear any complaining about bulldozers running rampant on the streets from you if you haven't been.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
You will keep both hands inside the trolley, if you happen to be cavorting on trolleys this week.
Which you will, because it's in your horoscope.
So keep those hands in!
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
There are those of us who are born to win medals, and then there are those of us who are born to chew on them.
Guess which group you fall into?
Cancer June 21 - July 22
You will have a lovely time on Wednesday night.
And you will look very sporty on Monday night.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
You should try sitting still this week.
See? The world is a lot less bouncy than you may have thought it was.
Aries March 21 - April 19
Don't overcomplicate things this week.
For example, your sentences. See if you can try getting by with only verbs this week.
Libra September 23 - October 22
This is a week for bold, sweeping strokes from you!
Unfortunately most of them come from you wielding a broom, and the bold strokes only make your work that much harder, what with all the extra dust flying around in the air.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
Sorry, nothing now, either. Check back next week. I swear I could feel a horoscope coming up for you real soon now.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
On Friday it'll be time to use that trial packet of laundry detergent you got in your new flat oh so many years ago and you've kept carrying it around with you "just in case."
Well, the just in case has arrived.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
When someone is crying your name they are not necessarily going to cry exactly your name. They may just be crying a lot and you need to go sort it out.
Someone will be crying your name this week.
Make sure to eat your toast on Tuesday, you'll need it.
[Horoscopes. Plug: Fenway Fiction: Short Stories from the Red Sox Nation]