The Horoscopes
Enjoy Sane Horoscopes.
Taurus April 20 - May 20
Be fastidious.
Someone will tell you to knock it off, but you should stick with it.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Burp, come on, burp.
This will be it for you this week.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
The US Postal Service will send someone around your house to serenade you this week for keeping them in business.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
You will be taking a very long trip soon.
If they have it on the trip, don't watch Mind the Gap. It's not a touching comedy drama. It's just painful. But long, so maybe it'll help pass the time. In a razors under your fingernails/Chinese water torture kind of way.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Try out five new words this week.
Try to keep 'em clean, this is a kids' show.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
You look beautiful this week.
Be careful with combustible substances and little little children this week.
You may watch a lot of television programmes about them, but you are not a member of the bomb squad.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Don't set fire to anything you even have the faintest feeling you might need in the future.
K?
Aries March 21 - April 19
If you really want something this week, don't give up on it.
There's a good chance you still won't get it, but at least you'll be able to say you never gave up. Or at least didn't give up in this instance.
Libra September 23 - October 22
Sit back, let others take charge this week.
Then, when they get the blame, say that you didn't agree with them in the first place. It'll make you look smart.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
Squeak.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Rustle some feathers this week, shake things up.
If this just refers to your chocolate milk, you might want to get another glass... feathers in chocolate milk is rarely a good sign.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Live life like a commercial this week.
Try and pick one of the funny ones, at least.
[Horoscopes. Nice job, Robbie.]