Taurus April 20 - May 20
Green and red-yellow splashes of pumpernickel all over the couch. That's all I have to say.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Watch for crazed flashers this week, followed soon after by slightly purple begonias.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
A very large fish is in your future for this week, though once you've seen it, it'll be in the past.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
Money. It should be raised on ranches, not grown on trees.
If you are a celebrity, duck.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Save the little blue candies.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
Take the last train to Clarksville, you'll see what all the buzz is about.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Magic tape is proof that there is magic in the world, and I have a roll of it to prove it. Logically or otherwise.
Aries March 21 - April 19
Saturnalia is some giant drunken orgy in the sky. This week. £2.50 at the door.
Libra September 23 - October 22
Everyday is a party if you buy enough streamers and noisemakers. Though the neighbours really don't like you too much.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
I believe in the truth, and it would do you well to do the same this week. Either that or you can just ignore it, and it will eventually go away, either way works well.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Important: Read notice on the back of package before opening. You will realise how true, how very very true this is this week.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
That much he could deduce, the little quarrel between free will and determinism being isolated quite easily. The tiff between Rhyme and Reason being an entirely other story.
[Horoscopes. it's a thing.]
