Taurus April 20 - May 20
Your biggest weakness this week is:
Banana cream pies.
You might think a banana cream pie shouldn't count against you as a weakness because it's not actually part of you.
But look behind you... yeah, that's a banana cream pie growing there.
You are what you eat, I suppose.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Your biggest weakness this week is:
Kryptonite!
And other rocks.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
Your biggest weakness this week is:
Cold weather. After braving the heat last week, this week you find you just can't suffer the cold much.
This makes it an indoorsy kind of week for you.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
Your biggest weakness this week is:
An uncommon fondness for rice pudding. Most people frown on that sort of fondness, let me tell you.
I think it's something to do with how gross it looks.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Your biggest weakness this week is:
Your elbow.
When your mother dipped you in the River Styx (thankfully it wasn't the band, they hate that) she was holding your elbow, not your heel.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
Your biggest weakness this week is:
Okay, listen, it isn't singing. I swear.
It's your high kick. It really, really sucks.
Well, so far as I can tell, you're only bound to be attacked by midgets this week, so you're probably okay.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Your biggest weakness this week is:
Peanuts. If you have an allergy, well, that might be it.
Otherwise, watch your feet, as if those things get underfoot not only do you have a carpet full of home-smushed peanut butter, but you're also very likely to fall.
Aries March 21 - April 19
Your biggest weakness this week is:
Well, if you're Bill Belichick (16 April), nothing, apparently. Same deal next week. Boredom, once you've won the SuperBowl might be about it.
If you're not Bill, it's cheese.
Libra September 23 - October 22
Your biggest weakness this week is:
The Achilles legend about the heel didn't figure into the original story, you note, pointing at any passing Capricorns, in fact, it was his pride that was his big weakness.
As it is yours. You get punched by a Capricorn this week. People nearby clap.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
Your biggest weakness this week is:
Well, I would say, not being immodest or anything, but lack of a horoscope has to be pretty high up there.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Your biggest weakness this week is:
Your hair. So if someone comes round your place and threatens to hang you out the window until you pay up, don't say "Could you hang me by my hair?"
Bad move.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Your biggest weakness this week is:
Well, apparently, the rumour is you have a big soft spot for Clare people in bikinis.
This may finally be your undoing this week.
[Horoscopes. So, in the war of the worlds, it looks like we're losing.]
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