Taurus April 20 - May 20
I'm seeing penguins. Not like as in 'dating' them, but as a function of my eyes giving me certain penguin-shaped feedback about the world around me.
Your week is glue.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Life is sometimes a jungle.
Other times it's a bear trap in a jungle.
Life doesn't vary all that much, you'll see.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
There isn't a whole lot of time for hesitation this week.
There is plenty of time for balloons, though.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
This will be a short week for you. No idea why, it'll just turn out that, when you go to tally up the number of days you have in your week you'll be three short.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
A week for romance is on the cards for you.
Which would all be fine and well, if this were a fortune tellers. Which it isn't.
The stars say you lack character this week.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
You will be traveling in a strange country this week... and you'll defect!
You'll be eating an ice cream cone one second and making a break for a small green hill with a sheep on it the next!
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Get lots of greens this week. With Mercury in your Second House of Love and Frogs, you're going to need it.
Aries March 21 - April 19
Certain urges will drive you to sleep upside down from a post this week.
And hire on a sidekick named RedRobin (for legal reasons that's all one word and can't be shortened).
Libra September 23 - October 22
Look out for a small outbreak of plagues this week.
Nothing major, nothing biblical, but it'll still make the morning commute a bit of a pain.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
There is nothing to say, really. You know the drill.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Your skin is going to look just fabulous this week.
Take advantage of it and, ehm, I don't know, walk around a lot and ask people what they think of your skin.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Wipe that grin off your face.
[Horoscopes. Google takes all.]
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