IN an effort to promote elitism (By limiting the number of copies in circulation through price increase, which in turn breeds a certain scarcity of product, which hints at an eclectic audience (which in some cases are elite audiences) and also removes the material in question from public scrutiny and possible exposure to criticism and ridicule, an elitist atmosphere is created. Designed to foster discomfort in those not wholly self-assured and to alienate those others not chased off by the self-confidence bit with inside humour (especially editors who insist thrice and ten times daily in panic-ridden missives upon material [perhaps a bit too much tea?] for an April issue in February), elitism will better serve the ----.'s image.

BY claiming a place amongst the elite, the ----. would be entering a new level of appreciation in the general public's eye (who, of course, wouldn't actually be able to read the new ----., but would hear tantalising things about the new work being done on the inside), and perhaps would be able to hire on more staff writers with bigger bonuses and possibly institute a few more of the often-requested "dress-down days." The benefits the new "elite" status brings to organisations are innumerable. Happier employees, content with the jam and scone spread in the office may be cajoled into making frequent appearances at the aforementioned office {stopping to taste the occassional tart on the sill of a house in some out of the way hamlet (like Cushing) still wholly acceptable, of course, and replete with possibly misconstrued innuendo}.

AND, for those of you intrepid readers (glimpsing a final communistic ----.) whose eyes were not sated with merely the opening line and felt compelled to glance upwards at the headline of this article, the initial method of payment for the ----. will be in cash only, and only in the currency so designated in the headline. Of course, once the punt becomes an easily obtained currency in the Poughkeepsie area there is a plan to implement random price changing, and to accept solely sterling or the punt on randomly alternating series of weeks. This plan promises to render the ----. a megalith in elitist philosophy, a lesson which will be studied times and times over again by future leaders of countries and businesses, and applications are being tendered now for employment at such a surely exciting new stage in their development.) the ----. will now cost £1.18.