The Dolphin and the Person
Hi once again! This fable originates from the Middle Ages, when people stopped being considered human and were looked upon as animals, so the fable was allowed by the International Fable Committee. Dolphins actually also gave the committee problems, because they were almost awarded people status on account of their being nicer than most humans. This possible predicament was averted because the dolphins decided to refuse people status on the basis that they didn't want to be demeaned in that way or to have to pay taxes. So lies the background behind this very controversial fable. And here it is, enjoy.
Once, there was a person and it happened upon a large body of water directly in front of it's path one fine day. Since the last three and a half days of this particular person's existence consisted of walking in the same direction the introduction of a lot of water directly in it's path posed a little bit of a problem. Now, to most people, it would not be that much of a problem, they would be content to stop walking and just sit and rest where they could go no further, in fact, most people would have been stopped in their travels a few days earlier just because of the foreseeable hardships and effort to be put out and the mind-numbing boredom that may set in on such a walk.
Well, it just so happens that the person had been informed by someone three and a half days ago that the meaning of Life lie at the end of a 40 day walk in that direction (the person pointing in the direction that the person now was following). I shall not expound upon that story here, as it is told by Asop in another tale of his own, The Person and The Ingot of Gold. (Erm... see Ed. note at bottom) And I'm sure you shall find the quality of his writings much more profound than mine own, as I was his student and learned all I know of Life from him, my mentor (Ehm... see second note at bottom).
So the journey was set out on by this adventurous, yet maybe gullible, person and it has brought it to the great expanse of water that seemed like it would cause quite a few problems if one were to attempt to walk through or on it. Whilst our intrepid human stood and pondered the dilemma presented to it here, a dolphin swam in from a frolic with a school of sea bass to have a look at the curious form on the beach.
The person had just begun talking to itself when the dolphin happened to pop up from the waters and spoke aloud to the human. "Hey. Hey, you on the beach! Whatever are you standing about for?"
The human was at first a bit taken aback by this dolphin's speech, not because the dolphin could actually talk, but because it was actually interested in what the human was doing. You see, the humans of that time possessed knowledge that must have been lost through the battering forces of time. They knew that dolphins could talk, and they also realised that people never heard them talking because the dolphins didn't particularly like the way the people carried on and generally acted. The only time humans ever heard the dolphins were when the humans would catch little snickers echoing in from deeper out in the ocean as the humans played in the breaking surf or lay out in the Sun. But this dolphin felt bad for those creatures he saw, so awkward in the water and so awkward on the whole, so he decided to talk to this human.
The person replied to the dolphin, "Why, I am searching for the meaning of Life. I was told it was to be found at the end of a 40 day walk, and unfortunately, I seem to be stopped after only 3 and a half. Can you help me?"
Well, the dolphin paused in it's bobbing for a minute or two as it considered the person's unfortunate situation. "Hey, I have a question for you, human. Why is it that you have to know the meaning of Life, anyway? Why does it seem to be such a pressing issue for you?"
"That's easy, I want to know for what purpose I have been put on this Earth. Come to think of it, I would like to know Who it was that put me on this Earth, and where this being lives. Hmm… also, I wonder if this Earth that I seem to be perceiving is really what I see, I mean, what if this water I se in front of me isn't really here? And what if you are not really even real? If so, then I must seem crazy, talking away to myself at the edge of a perfectly passable stretch of land. And what of the pain in my stomach? Why do I always assume that it indicates hunger? Is that just a false attribution on my part?" said the human.
"Oh dear, my most confused human acquaintance..."
However, the dolphin's reply to the human was ended prematurely when the spear the human had flung into the ocean (he claimed later that he was aiming at the tunafish swimming just behind the dolphin, and didn't actually mean to hit the dolphin) pierced the dolphin's side and also ended it's life prematurely.
The human had totally forgotten about the dolphin as soon as it stopped moving, and wandered off to find a nice bar to sit at, ponder the whole slew of questions that he had just stumbled upon, and hopefully obliterate all the brain cells that created thoughts like those with a really powerful and exotic drink.
The Moral: Well, if you're a dolphin that happens to be reading this (which isn't likely, since there is a much more adept and wizened fable-teller amongst the dolphins that they rarely stray from in there readings) you should realise that humans are not worth the trouble, and it's not worth getting killed over just to try and straighten them out on the meaning of Life. Because if they knew that Life's purpose was to determine one's placement in a taste testing line in the next Life through the quality of one's treatment of bean bags, most people would probably be a lot easier on the bean bags because they are the ones who run the giant taste test in the next Life and they generally let the nicer people get the chocolate section of the testing.
But for those non-dolphins that read this, I guess you can just learn that powerful and exotic drinks solve all problems and if you are trying to read any more meaning than this into the fable you should grab a couple right now and down 'em quickly. This will kill off those few remaining brain cells that are making you think and Life will be much easier for you.
Ed. note: Uhh...err...the author meant...umm...that Asop mmm.... often referred to himself in third person. Yeah, that's it! Yeah, third person.
Ed. note: Dammit! Ok, fine, so this isn't Asop, I don't care! I just want the stupid project over and done with! So if you see any more discrepancies, IGNORE THEM! Do I have to fact check everything?